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Transcription:A Date With Scarlett
Gary the Nerd: [Sitting in front of his computer in his room] If I pwn enough noobs, I can raise my rank in the server from 3 to 1. Hee-hee! Radio DJ: 'Be our 99th caller right now to be a winner in our Mission: Impossible III contest! '''Gary the Nerd: '''Ooh, ooh! [''Grabs his phone and speed dials the number to the radio station] '''Radio DJ: [Answers phone] Hello! You're our 99th caller! Gary the Nerd: Excellent! Radio DJ: You win your choice of a GameBoy Advance or a date with M:I III star, Scarlett Johansson! Gary the Nerd: [Shaking nervously] Can I have both? Radio DJ: '''No. '''Gary the Nerd: Do I have to choose right now? Radio DJ: Yes. Gary the Nerd: [Makes drawn-out moans as he makes up his mind for several seconds] -I guess I choose Scarlett Johansson. (Cuts to scene to outside food stand. Gary is standing in a white tuxedo as he anxiously waits for Scarlett Johansson's arrival. A limo pulls up to the stand.) (Inside the limo): Scarlett Johansson: '[''to her manager] Look, can I just roll down the window and shake his hand? '''Manager: No, the contest specifies lunch. Scarlett Johansson: Crap in a hat. (Scarlett and Gary are shown sitting at one of the tables at the stand. Scarlett looks very disinterested as Gary attempts to break the awkward silence between them.) Gary the Nerd: So, do you ever play "The Sims"? [spit flies out of Gary's mouth and lands in Scarlett's face, which she wipes off with a napkin] I made a Scarlett Johansson Sim and she lived in my house and sometimes we went in the hot tub together [Scarlett face-palms out of annoyance], but I forgot to buy a fire extinguisher. So there was a grease fire in the kitchen and Scarlett died. Scarlett Johansson: [In a bored and uninterested tone] Mm-hmm... (Two armed men wearing black from top to bottom suddenly appear out of nowhere to hassle the couple.) Burglar 1: Give us all your money! Gary the Nerd: [Surprised] Ah! [Jumps to his feet] Leave us alone, you hooligans! Hi-yah! [Starts doing karate moves in front of the two burglars] Burglar 1: He fights like a tiger! Burglar 2: 'Let's get out of here! (''The burglars flee behind the food stand. Scarlett is awestruck at what she witnessed.) (Behind the stand, it turns out the burglars are Gary's friends who helped stage the scenario.) '''Burglar 1: That was so stellar! Burglar 2: Gary's totally gonna score now! (They attempt to high-five, but Burglar 1 misses and falls forward.) Scarlett Johansson: You.. you saved me! You're my hero! Gary the Nerd: [Lets out a lovesick sigh] (A montage begins to play. Scarlett and Gary are skipping hand and hand on the beach together. Then the two are seen playing out a scene in Star Trek.) '' (''The scene cuts to a Star Trek themed marriage of Gary and Scarlett, with a Klingon acting as the minister.) Klingon: Do you take this be'hon to be your be'nal? Gary the Nerd: Hi'lah! (Both Gary and Scarlett kiss after the exchange of vowels.) (The montage continues with the arrival of their first child as well as the two fighting off a giant spider.) (The scene jumps to many years later, when Gary is on his deathbed with Scarlett at his side.) Gary the Nerd: Scarlett, my love... there's something I must tell you before I die. Scarlett Johansson: What is it, my love? Gary the Nerd: I staged the whole fight on our first date. I won your heart under false pretenses. Scarlett Johansson: [gasps and then lets out a sigh of relief] Oh, thank god! I have something to tell you, too. I'm not really Scarlett Johansson! I was just a professional Scarlett Johansson impersonator! [Clears her throat. Her voice changed into a man's voice] My real name is Raymond DeBonatello from Queens, New York. (Gary looks at the camera, shocked at this revelation.) Gary the Nerd: That explains why Scarlett Johansson had a... giant Johansson! (Gary spasms for a second and dies. The EKG flatlines.) Raymond DeBonatello: [Sobbing] Go in peace, my angel! (A message appears at the bottom of the screen, reading: "For your Emmy consideration- Robot Chicken") (Cuts to static) Category:Transcriptions